I have written this post in my mind so many times. Sometimes it’s an angry diatribe. Sometimes it’s super witty and self-deprecating (ps, in my head I am ALWAYS very witty). Sometimes I get on my soap box and preach. There’s been so many variations in my head that sometimes I have to remind myself that I actually haven’t written about last summer. Recently, I thought about not writing about last summer. I thought I could just gloss over it and start bringing you recipes and act like last summer didn’t happen.
When I really thought about last summer, I realized that I needed to address it on the blog because it brings me full circle on why I started writing about cooking in the first place.
So, here’s the thing: last summer I almost died. I grew sicker and sicker until I was sent to the ER late June after being told I could have cancer. I got to the hospital and (eventually) found out I was in liver failure due to herbal supplements prescribed to me by a holistic medical doctor.
Prior to the hospital, I hadn’t eaten a full meal in weeks. I was yellow. My stomach was so tender to the touch that I cried out in pain if anything touched me. I was so weak that I would sleep for hours in the afternoon after trying to keep up with my two (very active) little girls. And if I wasn’t sleeping in the afternoon, I was generally crying because I knew I was sick, but I just couldn’t figure out what it was. And I was so very tired of telling people I didn’t feel good that I started lying and avoiding social situations.
All of this happened because I was trying so very hard to be healthy and I trusted someone who told me I needed these supplements to be healthy. And to be fair, they did help me initially. But then they poisoned me and almost killed me.
And do you know what I found out after this long and painful experience? You really don’t need supplements if you eat a well-balanced diet of fruits and vegetables and whole foods. Which I was doing, by the way, I didn’t turn into some junk food addict over the last year or so. I was eating super healthy AND taking these supplements and my body couldn’t keep up. My body was overloaded and overwhelmed with health. You can, in fact, be TOO healthy. Like everything else, you can overdo it on being healthy.
So, I am back to square one and this time I am starting my journey with a lot more grace. I’m living in grey zone. Focusing on moderation. Instead of intense workouts and strict diets, I am doing what I can and eating whole foods but not stressing over it. After being in survival mode all summer, being perfect doesn’t matter quite as much to me. And I hope you will join me to give yourself grace in this world where we are told that we must always be the best. Savor instead of constantly striving. And I will probably need your help to stay on this tract where we learn to forgive not berate. But don’t worry, we will be making some really good food along the way.