Remember my monthly meal planning? My desire to not get delivery and save money?
It lasted all of one day.
After spending the afternoon at the doctor with my sick, sweet girl and then not able to get her anti-nausea medicine, I came home and wanted to be done. I want to say I wanted to be done mothering, but it wasn’t the mothering that was getting to me. It was the everything added on to the mothering. The cooking, cleaning, the endless laundry, the having to mentally plan out what I was going to do when I was already so emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.
I don’t even want to count the number of times I was puked on last week.
So I poured myself a glass of wine, put a movie on for the kids, and I sat at the kitchen table and read a book. Then I ordered our favorite delivery on my phone and thought “Well, that planning thing sure didn’t work.”
So if any of you rolled your eyes at the smugness of my monthly planning post, there you have it. No one is perfect.
And it bothered me.
But I had to let it go.
Then today I watched my daughter completely obsess over her handwriting on some cards she was making for her friends. She’s four. And let’s be honest, her writing isn’t great so I don’t fully understand the obsession, but as I was watching her, it looked all too familiar.
And it scared me. She howled and threw a fit because her ‘Y’ was a little bigger than the rest. Though I always tell her “Perfect is the enemy of good.” Her strive for perfection showed me that kids imitate what you do and not what you say.
I’m a closet perfectionist.
I come off as laid-back and hey, my house is messy sometimes (but never at the end of the day) and delivery is cool (but it also drives me a little crazy that I give in to it). I don’t have to do it all, I’m human (but what I DON’T do every day haunts me). The parentheses are where I live and it needs to stop. Because my four year old almost tore up a sweet letter to her friend; “Hayden, Thank you for being my friend. Love, Grace;” because the ‘y’ in Hayden looked too big to her.
So, my monthly meal plan is a work in progress. As if my delivery give-in wasn’t bad enough, I went to the store for this week’s groceries and nothing I planned to make was at the store (the downsides of being an Aldi shopper). Then on top of all that, I forgot to cancel Hello Fresh which I found out AFTER I had swapped out meals and grocery shopped and redid my plan. I guess I’ll have some pretty fancy lunches this week….
I think God is trying to telling me to chill the heck out.
So, we have a loose plan this week. We plan and then we adapt. My goal is to not obsess and hopefully I can start to show my daughter that good is good enough and not just tell her that.
I have a feeling THAT is going to be a work in progress as well.