Some people take in stray animals. I take in stray cabbages. For some reason, I associated my failure at coleslaw with my food processor. Tonight I learned it was not the fault of the food processor. I am just not destined to make good coleslaw.

The photos I took somehow did not even stay on the camera. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss much.

Imagine a cabbage the size of the basketball with the weight of bowling bowl.

Then imagine a small vat of brightly colored coleslaw (putting carrots through the food processor was way too fun, seriously, TOO fun, I had way too many carrots in there by the end).

So I quit. No more taking home stray cabbages, no more lofty dreams of non-dairy creamy coleslaw. From now on I buy my coleslaw at the deli counter.

And now I have to burn some seriously smelly candles in my kitchen. As Manatee told me when he walked into the kitchen tonight, cabbage smells like fart.

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